Happy Thanksgiving

Dear Harrison,
Today has been one of those days where I miss you constantly. I miss the feel of your hand holding mine, I miss temper tantrums in stores, I miss your sweet snuggles. I want to smell your sweet head, ruffle your long curls. I miss you.
For the first time in years, I went Christmas shopping and all I saw was the hole you left. I stood at the counter checking out, looking at the sweet matching boy outfits that you and Gavyn should be wearing. How desperately I wanted to add one to my cart.
I purchased Gavyn's big present at midnight last night and wanted to pick you up a toy too. It hurts, sweetie, to have you away from me. I want you so close.
It's funny how some days I miss you in a longing way and others I miss you in a tear-my-heartstrings-out for you way.
I imagine you right now in a golden glowing field, covered with innocent, pearlized snow laughing. I imagine you have a chuckle that is contagious. I hear it now. Low, sweet chuckling.
I have a love/hate for this time of year. It hurts so bad to want you. Temporary home...temporary home...this is only a temporary home, then I will hold you forever and ever and ever.
Okay, my son, I am going to go now. Gavyn and I are reading Harry Potter (Do you think we would have called you Harry?) I need to go snuggle with Gavyn and Emilia. (I am sure Charlotte will wake soon and want in on the snuggles too.)
I love you.
Mommy